Israel Saria
December 9th, 2010 ·
We use the term ’supercar’ loosely, considering one’s a VW Touareg
If it’s one thing that professional footballers love more than crashing high-powered cars into immovable objects, it’s wasting thousands of pounds on pimping those cars out beforehand.
Yianni Charalambous obviously noticed this way before any of us and has therefore has made a pretty penny over the last few years, providing car customising services for the Premier League’s finest and other celebrity clientele. His past customers include pretty much every member of the Arsenal squad, that JLS mob, and even Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria.
The Sun have had a look at some of his more high profile jobs, and, being The Spoiler, we’ve decided to make unfunny, snarky comments about them all.
El-Hadji Diouf, inspired by William Gallas’ Robocop’s Penis, asked Yannis to give his Mercedes SLR a full chrome wrap. He’s since had it redone and now sports the strangely cool two-tone black and chrome jobbie above. 7 out of 10.
8-year-old novelist Theo Walcott brought in a bog standard grey VW Touareg and swapped the stock rims for some bigger wheels. Then he got it sprayed an awful shade of ‘Sunny Delight orange’ and gave it to his mum. That’s Walcott summed up in two sentences, isn’t it? 0 out of 10, ffs.
Bacary Sagna got his Range Rover Sport kitted up in black, then changed his mind a few months later and sprayed everything white. Lots of TVs, a DVD player and all the other required accoutrement. 5 out of 10.
Man Utd/Sunderland striker Danny Welbeck asked for his Audi A3 to have a matte black paint job, which looks SHIT. Yannis says when Welbeck pulled into Man Utd’s training ground, Ryan Giggs went: “Oh. My. God.” (Clearly – because it looks SHIT.) MINUS 10 out of 10.
Matte paint makes any car look like an unfinished prop from a Batman film. Just stop it.
Alan Hutton chose a carbon grey wrap, tinted windows and gloss paint on his wheels. To be fair, it’s a Lamborghini Gallardo. They could’ve waxed it with dog turds and it’d still look stunning. 10 out of 10.
Apparently, Benni McCarthy still plays for West Ham, although The Spoiler hasn’t seen or heard from him since pre-World Cup. Anyway, he got the standard wheels, colour wrap etc., but added a ‘classy’ touch by having ‘McCarthy’ stitched into the interiors. There’s probably a pie oven in there, too. 6 out of 10.
Kolo Toure appears to have misunderstood what it is Yannis actually does, and just swapped one stock Cadillac Escalade for another. Pitiful out of Rubbish.
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